thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize