My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
