i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
