mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize