Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
