I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
