my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
