How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
