I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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