I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
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