Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
