I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
and she was petting her beer can
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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