I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
