You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
