Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
