im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
