yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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