Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
