remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
