So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
