he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
