I'm gonna have a badass scar
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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