how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
