I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
