If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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