all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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