Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Randomize
