the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
how drunk are you?
Several
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
