I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
