cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
