I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Drake has all the answers
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
