I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize