I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
