She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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