Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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