I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
sarcasm needs its own font
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
