I am spending my child support on dildos
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
