We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
