my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
