and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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