Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
