I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
