There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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