Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
