I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
