I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize