at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
