Christians are straight up FREAKS
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
