RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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