Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
