Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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