i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Dear god my vagina.
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