My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
