Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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