Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
