Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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