i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Randomize
