Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
