i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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