I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize