how can u be prego again
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
