I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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