apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
