Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize