My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
