and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
