Tell her she can't have a vagina
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
