I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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