WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
