we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize