Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
