i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
