His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
There r osticjed everywhere
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
