I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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