My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
