my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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