Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
