Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
