do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
