Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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