Pants 0. Shit 1.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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