This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
only if we run a train.
done.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
