no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize