I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You pole danced in your parka.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
