I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
