I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
