"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
