i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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