Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
