Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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