Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
