Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
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