afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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