Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
