A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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