omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My liver just had a heart attack.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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