It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
