I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
