i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
