I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
