In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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