There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
