You really coming over, don't trick.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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