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it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My bed smells like the plague
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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