i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
a search helicopter?!
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
