Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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