Having a random hookup so left but love u
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
