the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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