I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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