At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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