The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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