Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
