so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
