broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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