so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just cut my nipple shaving
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
